Sunday, July 02, 2006

Top Ten Fictional Postmen (including one Postwoman)

In honor of the one hundred fifty-ninth anniversary of the first United States postage stamps on this date in 1847 (unlike comic books, postage stamps are the only collectible that is always worth face value if they're mint!), let's honor and celebrate those great letter carriers of my favorite place, fiction:

10. Mr. Beasley (Blondie) Should earn combat pay. Poorest delivery timing in the industry.

9. Postman Pat Cheerful Yorkshireman gets the job done. Kind to children and animals.

8. Newman (Seinfeld) Schemer. Dirty-dealer. Nemesis. Neighbor.

7. Mr. Zip Plays the job by the numbers. Can narrow you down to five digits with a glance.

6. Moist von Lipwig (Terry Pratchett's Going Postal) More a postmaster than a postman, but let's count him because he brought the idea of collectibility for collectibility's sake to the Discworld.

5. Mr. McFeely (Mister Roger's Neighborhood) Friendliest mailman in town. Experienced at delivering packages to scary puppets.

4. Mister Mailman (Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town) Knows a lot about mythological personalities. Fantastic singing voice. Excellent dancer.

3. Reba the Mail Lady (Pee Wee's Playhouse) The Secret Word is "Reba-licious!"

2. Cliff Clavin Know-it-all. Barfly. Staunch friend.

1. Willie Lumpkin Strong back from delivering massive amounts of fan mail. Amazing superpower of ear-wiggling. One-time Herald of Galactus.

Mailmen of fiction, we salute you!

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